i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
