It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
