Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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