6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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