Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
