it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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