If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
