Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
