apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
