im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
