I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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