You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I love you. Go after that dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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