i already hear my dad disowning me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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