Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
