He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
