meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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