Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
