You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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