i barfeds in our rink
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
