After last night, I could never be a politician.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
