do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
