In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
