I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
