I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
