i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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