I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
