Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
