So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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