so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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