threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
