I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
