I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
