it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
