First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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