The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
