well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
