Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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