A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
