yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
