if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
