So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
