just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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