she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
