dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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