im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
