bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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