Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
