someone owes me an orgasm
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
