between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
