I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
